The Daddy Phase

Since after Christmas, I have been working at the office three days a week. This means that I drop Alice off at my parents' house and into the arms of my dad who Alice is currently terrified of. She basically screams until my mom comes home from work half an hour later. Then she's fine. It's not fine, however, for me to see her like that every time I drop her off. Honestly, it breaks my heart. I wish I didn't have to do it, however temporary it is.

Since this has all started, I have noticed a change in Alice. She seems to be more fussy than usual around me and sometimes it just feels like I can't do anything right. She does, however, adore her dad more and more. Although I love seeing her enamored with her father, I would be lying if I said that it didn't bother me. Until now, she has preferred me in almost every instance. When she was upset, she came to me for comfort. Now she goes to Scott and even goes as far as to get upset when I hold her instead.

Honestly, I was surprised at Alice's affection towards me since I became a mother. I thought it was strange that she could love me so much because, after all, I have never considered myself someone special. Now that her affections seem to have shifted, I miss how things were. I know that it's probably a phase and I'm surely making it out to be a bigger deal than it really is. Maybe other mothers have experienced something similar. Anyway, it's a part of growing up and maybe it's time for me to face some of my insecurities. I just have to keep telling myself that it's only temporary. So here's to new challenges and new phases!

Reflections

2011 was full of changes- some good and some not so good. Overall, I guess you could say that it was a hard year for me. I became a mother, my baby was hospitalized, my grandpa died, my uncle died, my dad got cancer, we swam in medical bills, and I left home to work again. On the other hand, I became a mother of an amazingly beautiful daugher, I celebrated two years of marriage to my best friend, I met all of the challenges that were thrown at me, and I was blessed in so many countless ways.
Going into 2012, I feel very hopeful. There are so many things to look forward to: Alice's first birthday, mine and Scott's 3-year anniversary, a trip to Florida, tickets to Wicked, and Scott's graduation. I also look forward to the unexpected surprises and the little moments that make life worthwhile. Even though I am constantly looking forward to the next things in life, I must say that right now with my crappy apartment and meager income I am very blessed!