Since after Christmas, I have been working at the office three days a week. This means that I drop Alice off at my parents' house and into the arms of my dad who Alice is currently terrified of. She basically screams until my mom comes home from work half an hour later. Then she's fine. It's not fine, however, for me to see her like that every time I drop her off. Honestly, it breaks my heart. I wish I didn't have to do it, however temporary it is.
Since this has all started, I have noticed a change in Alice. She seems to be more fussy than usual around me and sometimes it just feels like I can't do anything right. She does, however, adore her dad more and more. Although I love seeing her enamored with her father, I would be lying if I said that it didn't bother me. Until now, she has preferred me in almost every instance. When she was upset, she came to me for comfort. Now she goes to Scott and even goes as far as to get upset when I hold her instead.
Honestly, I was surprised at Alice's affection towards me since I became a mother. I thought it was strange that she could love me so much because, after all, I have never considered myself someone special. Now that her affections seem to have shifted, I miss how things were. I know that it's probably a phase and I'm surely making it out to be a bigger deal than it really is. Maybe other mothers have experienced something similar. Anyway, it's a part of growing up and maybe it's time for me to face some of my insecurities. I just have to keep telling myself that it's only temporary. So here's to new challenges and new phases!
Jace was the same way, a total daddy's boy. And then I left him for a week to go house hunting and ever since then, he loves me more :) It was a nice change!
ReplyDeleteOh, Abby, you are an incredible person and too hard on yourself. I can think of many reasons why anyone should love you. Remember that you are the perfect mother for your daughter. God hand-picked you to be her mommy, and while she may go through phases where she shows it less, she loves you and needs you. When I am feeling less than great about myself, I remember that there are two sweet little people that count on me, need me, and look to me for love and encouragment. That is a big job, and knowing that I have been trusted with it makes me feel like I've done something right and am even a little bit special.
ReplyDeleteWhile we were in Utah visiting for Christmas I am certain that Sam was actually angry with me. I have no idea why. Maybe he was mad he wasn't sleeping in his own bed while he was sick and blamed me for it. He LOVES his dad, but usually he is still my buddy when Bryce isn't around so it was really hard that he seemed to not even like me. It was a horrible feeling to not be able to comfort him while he was sick since he would only go to Bryce and then on top of that I felt like a bad wife since Bryce seemed to be doing all the work. I actually cried several times about. The day after we arrived home Sam was back to normal and it made me so happy! Hopefully Alice's phase doesn't last a whole month like Sam's. Either way, you are a great mother! Love you!
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